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By Tom Philip via College Humor
Tag Archives: funny
"porn aid" – sex ed on board Qantas
Qantas says yes to mile-high film The Female Orgasm Explained
By Erin Michael via news.com.au
Learn the secrets of the female orgasm on your next trip abroad / AAP
- Qantas screening raunchy doco
- Program is the airline’s most popular
- Parents told to read listing guide
NOW that’s in-flight entertainment!
A cheeky documentary about the female orgasm is raising eyebrows among Qantas passengers. The SBS program The Female Orgasm Explained is available for viewing by all international travellers and features excerpts from old porn flicks, graphics and sound effects that would make conservative commuters squirm.
Originally shown on SBS, the French film aims to assist viewers “understand the intricacies of the female orgasm” – and it seems many people are keen to learn.
Qantas spokesman Luke Enright said the program is the most popular on its television channel The Edge and will continue to be screened until November.
Mr Enright said a program synopsis is provided in the in-flight entertainment guide and the channel carries a warning that some of the content is not suitable for children. It also carries an MA rating.
He said crew are able to block content to the seat of unaccompanied minors at the request of parents. However, to block the program cautious parents must read the guide to know it exists.
Sociologist at the University of Wollongong, Dr Michael Flood, said airing the documentary in a public domain was “fascinating but problematic”.
“I think it’s great if children and young people learn about sexual pleasure because most children and only taught about the biology of sex,” he said.
“But I don’t think this documentary is age appropriate and it’s not designed as a sexual education tool.
“There’s a growing sexuality in our culture and perhaps it reflects how sexual material is being made increasingly available.”
MORE ON: the female orgasm explained – the film
The sexual revolution of the ’70s has allowed women to claim their right to pleasure and to better know their body. However, 40 years later, the female orgasm remains mysterious to a lot of people – both men and women.
Most of us can recall that scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally and Meg Ryan is moaning and groaning having an alleged orgasm. In the movie she is obviously faking it. The movie endeavours to show that women have the ability to confuse or mislead their men into believing that they are actually having an orgasm.
Unfortunately for men, no matter how much they scream or moan, they cannot fake an orgasm – as well, let’s face it, a masculine orgasm is rather messy.
During the 1970s the sexual revolution enabled women the ability to lay claim to a right of pleasure in the bedroom; for the first time in public society, women were able to better understand their own bodies and discover what it actually is that enables/causes the orgasm. However, we are now 40 years since that revolution and for many men the onset and occurrence of feminine orgasm remains a total mystery.
Filed under travel
sense of humor = travel must
20 funniest travel quotes you’ve never heard
Travel can be stressful, so keep these quotes in mind next time you lose your luggage
By CNNGo.com
1. Travel pillows
“Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.” — Jim Gaffigan, comedian
2. Fame
“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” — Britney Spears, American pop star
3. American tourists
“There’s nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.” — Stephen Colbert, talk show host
4. Indians and terrorists
“It’s hard man ’cause the security in the airport, customs, immigration, they really need to learn the difference between a terrorist and an Indian.
“Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other. A terrorist will blow up an airport. Indians like to work at the airport. That would be counter-productive.” — Russell Peters, comedian
5. Flight delays
“People say there’s delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there.
“Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you’re home.” — Louis C.K., comedian
6. Pre-boarding
“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?” — George Carlin, comedian
7. Airport security
“Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left.
“Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip-on shoes. Gotta love ’em.” — Ryan Bingham (played by George Clooney), from the movie “Up in the Air”
8. Fear
“My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.” — Dennis Miller, talk show host
9. Africa
Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don’t give a damn. You tell them, ‘Hey, I just got back from the motherland.’
“They’re like, ‘Where’d you go — Detroit? Did you see The Temptations?'” — Wanda Sykes, comedian
10. Passport photos
“Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” — Al Gore, environmental activist
11. Long-haul flights
“You want to know what its like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.” — Lewis Black, comedian
12. Taking photos
“When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they’re like, ‘What do I do … I don’t really … ha-huh …’ Yeah, it’s the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!” — Dane Cook, comedian
13. Egyptian street vendors
“You can’t walk down here at all. It can’t be a short cut because you get stopped every few seconds.” [moves aside to let an elderly woman pass] “See? I bet she left the house when she was 10!” — Karl Pilkington, travel host of “An Idiot Abroad”
14. Whiners
“People come back from flights and tell you a story like it’s a horror story. They act like their flight was like a cattle car in the 1940s in Germany.
“That’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like, ‘It was the worst day of my life. We didn’t board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.’
Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?’” — Louis C.K, comedian
15. Similarities between the United States and Australia
“Imagine if American politics were a boomerang, and you threw that boomerang and it came back to you exactly like it was … except now it had a dark, leathery suntan and was wearing corduroy shorts and an orange Ocean Pacific tank top.” — from “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents: America (the Book)”
16. New Zealand
“Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know — because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.” — Lewis Black, comedian
17. Rio Carnival
“I’m sure one day I’ll look back at this and go, ‘I was in Carnival!’ But it’s just not happening now. I’m sorta thinking, ‘I’m in the Carnival?’ Like, what am I doin’ here?” — Karl Pilkington, travel host of “An Idiot Abroad”
18. Airline food
“[Airline food] is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.” — Ellen DeGeneres, talk show host
19. Airport sinks
“What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet.
“Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets.
“What is it they think we will do? Turn ’em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?” — Jerry Seinfeld, comedian
20. Backpacking Europe
I went backpacking through Europe and I met so many Australians and learned so much about Australian culture. — Anonymous
Filed under travel
know your geography: what are the 5 ugliest US states?
The 5 ugliest states in the country
By Meg Nesterov via Gadling
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. San Francisco Examiner writer and occasional Gadling contributor Bob Ecker doesn’t behold much, at least for a few unlucky states. Ecker previously named the prettiest US states including coastalCalifornia, exotic Hawaii, diverse New York, historic Virginia, and verdant Washington. He’s now determined the unfortunate ugliest states, measured by landscape, not people:
- Connecticut: the Constitution State is called a “suburban hell”
- Delaware: small and boring
- Kansas: land-locked and a “throwback,” in a bad way
- Nevada: outside of Las Vegas, it’s a “desolate and forbidding wasteland” (what about Lake Tahoe, Bob?)
- Oklahoma: another flat, hot, and boring state (don’t tell Lonely Planet’s Robert Reid, an OK native)
Obviously the article is tongue in cheek — there are beautiful corners in every great state in this country — but Ecker’s skewering provides a good starting point for thinking about vacation destinations.
(Photo courtesy Flickr user Gage Skidmore)
Filed under travel
the DOs & DON'Ts for vegas virgins
First-Timers Tips for Visiting Las Vegas
By JoAnna via Why Go Las Vegas
The idea of visiting Las Vegas can be romantic and exciting, nerve-wracking and dreadful. Sin City has a reputation and perception unlike most other cities in the world, and travelers who visit Las Vegas are often leave feeling overwhelmed, entranced, disappointed and lucky … among many other emotions.
As you begin to plan your first trip to Las Vegas, keep the following tips in mind in order to manage your expectations,save the most money, make the most of your time and leave the city with plans to return again sometime soon.
Planning
There are several flights that arrive in Las Vegas every day, so finding a seat on one of these airplanes shouldn’t be a problem. If you are flexible with your travel plans, consider arriving during the week in order to avoid chaos at the McCarran International Airport. Traveling during holiday seasons and major Las Vegas conventions also results in busier conditions.
Begin searching early for cheap airfare. If you are interested in being in Las Vegas for a major holiday, such as New Year’s Eve or Halloween, you absolutely must book your room early in order to ensure you’ll have a place to stay. Airfare during these busy seasons will also likely be more expensive.
When deciding what time of year to visit Las Vegas, keep the following in mind:
Summer is exceptionally hot with daily temperatures reaching well over 100F. Pool clubs are open from the early mornings late into the evenings, and some of the clubs offer outdoor concerts in the evenings. If you are interested ingolfing or pursuing other outdoor-related activities, you must do so early in the morning as the heat is often too intense to enjoy these things past noon. Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day weekend are two of the busiest times for tourism in the city.
Many people like to visit Las Vegas in the winter to escape the cooler temperatures in the northern United States, but it’s important to realize that the city does receive chilly weather as well. Though snow is unlikely (and mainly contained to the mountains, if there is any), daytime temperatures usually hover in the mid-50s. Nighttime lows can drop below freezing. Christmas and New Year’s Eve are very busy times in Las Vegas. If you hope to visit over either holiday, make plans well in advance for accommodations.
Las Vegas locals often find spring and fall to be the most attractive seasons in the city. Visitation is usually slower in January through mid-March with a spike in tourism over Valentine’s Day. During this time, some shows go black for a few weeks, so if you’d like to see a certain performance, check in advance to make sure it’s showing. If you want to come over Spring Break, be aware that there is an influx in college-age students. Nightclubs will be packed.
After Labor Day, pool clubs close or have reduced hours. Temperatures drop slightly, but there are generally more rooms available and, therefore, rates are lower. If you’re interested in checking out the local Las Vegas scene, check for information about events going on around the city as there is an influx of festivals and activities in the fall.
>>More information about Las Vegas hotels.
>>More information about Las Vegas weather.
>>More information about getting to Las Vegas.
Transportation
The main attractions in Las Vegas—the Strip and downtown—can easily be explored on foot, by bus, via taxi and through the use of the monorail systems. From McCarran International Airport, you can get to your hotel via taxi, shuttle, bus, limo or pre-arranged transport. Taxis are available at all hours of the day; you’ll pay an extra fee for picking one up at the airport. Limos are more expensive but they provide a fun way to begin your vacation in Las Vegas.
A variety of shuttle companies offer service for drop off along Las Vegas Boulevard and into downtown. You’ll pay by person. This is usually more cost effective than a cab, but be aware that you’ll pay a different amount based on where you’re going. If you’re going to Mandalay Bay, prices will be cheaper; as you move north up the Strip and into downtown, you will pay more for the ride. If you’d like to catch the bus, check the bus schedule and route as you’ll likely have to change buses a couple times to reach your destination.
Though the Strip looks easy to navigate by walking, those tall buildings can be deceiving and it is actually four miles long. If you plan to walk, wear comfortable shoes and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
There is an extensive and growing bus system in Las Vegas. If you are staying on Las Vegas Boulevard, you’ll be utilizing the Deuce, a double-decker bus that runs 24 hours a day and costs $7.00 for a 24-hour, all-access pass. If you don’t want to wait for a lift, you are welcome to catch a ride in one of the hundreds of taxis in Las Vegas. Drivers cannot stop curbside to pick you up, so you’ll need to duck into one of the valet areas of the hotels to catch one. You will pay by the mile.
Las Vegas doesn’t have a well-developed monorail system, but there are a few short trains that can give you a bump to get you moving in the right direction. The free monorails in Las Vegas run from Mandalay Bay to Excalibur, Bellagio to Monte Carlo and Treasure Island to the Mirage. There is also a more extensive monorail train that runs from MGM Grand to Sahara. This one costs $5.00 for a single ride.
If you want the freedom to move around Las Vegas and beyond the city’s borders for day trips, consider renting a car. Many companies offer rentals in Sin City. It is free to park in the hotel parking garages on Las Vegas Boulevard. You’ll likely have to pay or get validation when you park downtown.
>>More information about transportation in Las Vegas.
Money
Las Vegas is all about money, but you don’t have to spend a ton to enjoy the city. Just like with any other trip, make a budget before you go and stick to it. It’s easy to overspend in Sin City, so it’s important to know your financial limitations before you step foot on the casino floor.
Though prices fluctuate depending on the time of year you travel (and whether you’ll be in the city over a specific holiday), hotel rooms start at below $50.00 per night for basic amenities and increase to several thousand dollars for luxurious suites and villas. There are three hostels in Las Vegas, though the price of staying in one of these is often rivaled by the less expensive hotels on the Strip and in downtown Las Vegas. Search for the right accommodation and select one that fits within your price range and offers convenient transportation options. Be aware that nearly all hotels charge a resort fee, which ranges from $5.00-$25.00 per night except for the properties owned by Caesars.
Dining on the Strip is more expensive than elsewhere in the city. Most hotels have fast food joints as well as high-end, fine dining restaurants, so prices for meals range from a few bucks for a burger to several hundred dollars for a prix fixe meal. Expect to pay about $6.00-$10.00 for a beer and $10.00-$15.00 for a cocktail.
There are few drinking water fountains along the Strip (though the water is safe to drink if you fill a bottle from a bathroom tap). Bottled water is for sale from $1.00-$2.00 per bottle.
Take advantage of player’s club cards that provide free game play in the casinos, but know when your free money runs out and you’ll need to pay from the pocket. In order to control spending in the casinos, take what you’re willing to spend in cash and leave all credit cards in your hotel room.
Entry into nightclubs generally ranges from $15.00-$30.00 per person, depending on celebrity guest appearances, special events, holidays, day of the week and whether you’re a guy or girl. VIP or table service often costs more. Drinks and bottle service in nightclubs is much more expensive than elsewhere in Las Vegas.
>>More information about coupons and discounts you can use in Las Vegas.
>>More information about how to travel in Las Vegas on a budget.
Things to Do
When it comes to filling your time in Las Vegas, you have no shortage of options. The city is known for its wining and dining as well as its shows. Nightclubs are a big hit, and the casinos attract serious gamblers as well as recreational players. There are also several shopping venues, and wandering through the hotels themselves is an attraction in and of itself. Don’t forget to people watch as well!
For those visiting the city for the first time, there are a few must-do activities. Watch the fountains of Bellagio dancing at night. See a show. Eat in a nice restaurant (or something beyond fast food) at least once during your stay. Wander around New York New York, Paris and the Venetian.
If you have more time in Las Vegas, consider getting out of the city for a day trip to a nearby attraction such as Red Rock Canyon or a national park. Hoover Dam is also nearby.
>>More information about things to do in Las Vegas.
>>More information about free things to do on the Strip.
>>More information about what to do with two days in Las Vegas.
Other First-Time Travel Tips
- Arrive in Las Vegas at night for the best wow-worthy experience.
- Though the saying goes that what happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas, you still need to make smart decisions. Be mindful of your health and safety while visiting.
- If you go out for dinner, to a performance or to a nightclub in the evening, a dress code may apply. Find out what the dress standards are before going out to avoid disappointment.
- Free wifi is not a given. Some hotels offer it as part of the resort fee. Cell phone service can also be a bit sketchy in parts of Las Vegas due to all of the wireless security feeds and airport transmissions.
Photo credit: Airplane (tomspixels), Taxi (Barry Yanowitz), Money (EJP Photo), Fountains (Mastery of Maps)
Ten Things You Should NOT Do In Las Vegas
By juliana via vegaschatter.com
You often hear of travel guides telling you about things that you must do or see when you are in Vegas but we’re taking a different track here. Riffing off a list our friends at Concierge.com made about NY, we’ve put together a list of Ten Things You Should NOT DO in Vegas.
Yes, Vegas is the one last place in the free world where you can be drunk, provocative, loud, careless, lewd and possibly adulterous and yet your secrets are kept safe by the widely-shared promise that “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.” But mistakes that either cost you a lot of money or a lot of your dignity are never fun.
Hopefully, our tips–garnered from personal experience–will help you on your next trip to Sin City. No need to thank us, we just want you to party with respect.
1. Use The Casino ATMs: Most casino ATMs charge anywhere from $2 – $6 (plus what ever your bank tacks on) for the pleasure of spitting out more money for you to lose.
Instead: Do yourself a favor and either bring plenty of cash, or hit the BofA and WaMu-Chase machines off the Strip.
2. Dress Slutty: Do not take your vacation in Vegas to wear the sluttiest outfit you owned 10 years ago or as an incentive to buy a new hoochie outfit from Forever 21 that doesn’t quite cover all your bits and pieces. You will feel and look uncomfortable and thus end up drinking more to stifle the insecurity. And God knows what that could lead to.
Instead: Dress sexy (there’s a difference) in something special. Maybe even get your hair done but don’t wear anything that could get you mistaken for an escort. Also, if you plan on wearing something short just remember that when you’re dancing atop the go-go boxes, people will take pictures.
3. Wear Painful Shoes: Do not wear your six-inch stilettos or brand new Italian leather loafers for a night out on the town. Vegas casinos are bigger than they appear and just walking from the Venetian to The Wynn can give you painful blisters.
Instead: Try to stick with 3-inches or shoes that you’ve worn before. Also, we live in an age where flat sandals are cute again. The only exception might be if you wear those dangerous shoes directly from your room to the nightclub inside your hotel.
4. Get Married at The Chapel of Love: The divorce rate in America is hovering at 50 percent and if you treat your wedding day like an order of burger and fries at drive-thru, then the odds of failure have to go through the roof.
Instead: While Vegas quickies are cheap (starting at $49) we say hit the craps table, make yourself 500 bucks and elope in Vegas with dignity at one of the many new or classic wedding spots like the Mandalay Bay or the famous Little White Wedding Chapel.
5. Choose the Cheapest Buffet in Town: Full Las Vegas buffet for $11 with over 50 items sounds almost too good to be true right? Well it is. How is the food? Here is the opinion of one web reviewer:
The “scrambled eggs” seemed to be made of water and reconstituted egg yoke which had separated after sitting in the bin.
And that’s not all. This buffet serves thousands of people a day, which means not only can it get crowded, but it also can be teaming with kids. Kids are awesome and all, but a room full of hungry kids on vacation and a bit of a hangover don’t always mix.
Instead: The Wynn Buffet is incredible. Or if you want classic yet cheap try the Flamingo. Another option? Denny’s is right across the street.
6. Log-On In-room: Do not pay in-room internet charges. They are often too expensive (starting at $12.95) and the connection is never very good. Also, wireless is rare in-rooms meaning you have to use an ethernet cable.
Instead: Try to hit up these free WiFi spots.
7. Drink Before Your Massage: Sure, it sounds fun to spend the day by the pool drinking frozen daiquiris before heading off to an afternoon of relaxation at the spa but massages are not good for drunk people. The rub-downs release toxins from your body and take it from us, you WILL throw up.
Instead: Book a massage for mid-morning (provided you aren’t too hungover from last night) which will loosen you up for the long day of drinking ahead.
8. See Criss Angel’s Believe: You will want your money back and there’s no way you can get it. Also, evil bunnies are scary.
Instead: If you want a Cirque experience, you can’t go wrong with LOVE which is set to The Beatles music. For a more classic Broadway show experience with a little bit of goth, try The Phantom of The Opera.
9. Arrive at the Airport 30 Minutes Before Your Flight: Ok, maybe if you are a veteran you can pull this off. However, security lines in Vegas a legendarily long. Furthermore, once you check your bags and clear security there is a good chance you are going to have to hop on the monorail to get to your gate.
Instead: While the Strip is only about five minutes from the airport, allot yourself 1.5 hours to be assured you make your flight. Don’t worry there are plenty of Wheel of Fortune slots in the terminal if you happen to breeze through the security and monorail hurdles.
10. Stay Up All Night Then Catch Your Flight: Don’t party all night with the excuse that your flight is at 8am so you might as well stay up through the night. There is nothing worse than a crowded McCarran airport experience on a Sunday with a severe hangover. Not even the Oxygen bar in the Southwest terminal can revive you.
Instead: Book a night flight. That way you can continue the party on the plane.
